i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
