Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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