I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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