A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
