How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
