hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
