the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
