My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My balls are so social today.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
