I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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