You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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