someone get that fucking seahorse.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize