You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
