Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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