I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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