I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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