can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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