they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
