Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
