we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
