If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize