Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
