Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
