let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
