But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
