He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
