Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
