Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
