You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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