she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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