does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
