peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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