So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
