i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
