Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just pee around me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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