I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I party with great urgency now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
