My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
