I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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