handjob tips. give me some.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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