Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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