i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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