How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Randomize
