May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
