The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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