I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
