Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
