I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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