I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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