He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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