Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
