Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
