So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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