There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We were destined to go to rehab together
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
