Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
