I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
