I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
