i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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