her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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