he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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