I need help removing her.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
