How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
