I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you inspire me to be a worse person
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
