i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
