Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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