My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
