I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
