and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i love accidental penises.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
